This is not my ceiling
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
