your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
