saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
