theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
