i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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