Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
