I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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