he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
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And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
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Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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