he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
