thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
