VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
