the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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