Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
