my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
