yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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