ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
