I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Is it penis luge time yet?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
