whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
