party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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