Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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