This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
