my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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