A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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