I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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