you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
