so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
