Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
