Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
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just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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