dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
