Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
