i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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