I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
