the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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