took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
