So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
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Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Blood and glitter go together right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
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And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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