I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
