Can Purell be used as lube?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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