direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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