South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
