Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
