I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I looked at my own cervix.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
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The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
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Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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