did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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