just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
