My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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