If i come over, it means nothing
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
