I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
