Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
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The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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