Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
