the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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