remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
