oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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