i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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