Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize