Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Randomize
