Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
