im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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