...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
