I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
