But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
