Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
