If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
