he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
