we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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