It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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