I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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