I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
